Self Helplessness; Why it’s a dream killer and how you can breakthrough and regain control


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When you’ve got goals, big dreams and plans for yourself, coming across a situation that renders you feeling helpless to the point where you feel powerless can be a pain. a real big pain! It’s a pain that can cause many unwanted effects including severe depression, low self esteem and also feel a low sense of worth, which is not needed when you’ve got ambitions to fulfill!

One thing which often spares people from feelings of depression or helplessness is a sense of control over their immediate or long term circumstances. A person should be able to walk away from an abusive relationship, for example, or voluntarily quit a stressful job. A psychological condition known as learned helplessness, however, can cause a person to feel completely powerless to change his or her circumstances for the better.

Though the truth is we’ve never really lost control at all. We just don’t see a light at that specific point in time, when people often come across a situation where they had repetitively failed before, then all their focus is on that past event discouraging them from any further motivation or hope.

So how can we fix this problem and shift the circumstances in our favour, to boost our self confidence, self worth, to take back control of our fate and move forward to fulfill our dreams?

I’m glad you asked! below I’ll give some advice that you can apply practically to any situation that you may feel is a too much of a challenge for yourself and to give you the breakthrough that you need to get you on the right track!

1. Clarify, Rectify and Simplify 

This method is a form of control that is available to anyone immediately at any time, not only can it help us move forward but it can help us define the situation more clearly, can build confidence in our problem solving skills; and get a definition of what the solution can be like.

once we have gained clarity (as I have mentioned in my previous article) into what the root and cause of the event can be, for example could it just be your mood? stress? or lack of sleep? I already know in your head you can already see the possible solutions to those 3 causes just I mentioned. Though once we find whatever is causing it we can easily begin to see the root cause, sometimes we can even find multiple causes!

Then this case it can actually benefit us. Seeing as not only will this add to our knowledge base, and gain clarity on the current situation to then find multiple solutions, also show us how to possibly prevent it from occurring again in the future, or allow us to handle it a lot more smoothly.

Which leads me to the next step is to rectify, now that we are focused on what the root cause is, we will need to visualize and conceive what the solution will look like. You would have to ask yourself “what would take the pain out of this situation right now? what would I want to happen that would give me the confidence I want to see this through?”

Once you have answered these questions, you will have the motivation to move forward, It will bring your mind to the present and help you be in control which is an asset that most people who lead a happy life have. To begin you will have to visualize the solution, vividly and what position you want to be in the current situation. Developing this skill of visualizing the solution will be a huge benefit to yourself, Even politicians and leaders use their vision to solve some of the biggest problems society faces today. This will help you find your way and method that you would feel the most comfortable with overcoming the situation.

So we got the vision and the root cause and it’s great now we just need a simplified way of achieving it. I often notice keeping it simple often gives the biggest impact, even investors who want financial success keep it simple for the problems they face. So that way instead of  the situation becoming a problem, you now have a simple way of handling it which will become a habit and you will overcome it once you have taken action time and time again without sweating it.

Because in my opinion with today’s faced pace environment anything that’s way too time consuming is not always recommended, because the challenges of life don’t wait for when you are ready! but you have the opportunity to be ready before you find yourself facing them.

2. Instead of giving up look for motivation

Motivation is recommended daily in anything we do, and this is no exception. We have a choice and we just need to be aware of it when faced with a challenging situation that can make you feel like giving up, that is just looking for that one reason or benefit to motivate us enough to jump up to see it through, rather than looking for a reason to give up. because giving up is not in the vocabulary of any successful person. Rest if you must, but keep on keeping on!

3. Consider The Best Case Scenario

Just a tip I thought I would include to help you with suggestions 1 and 2. When we consider the best case scenario and truly visualize it, we gain a natural sense of hope, and we find our reason to be motivated into action. It allows you to approach the challenge with a new perspective. 

It also hinders thinking of the worst case scenario and teaches the mind to be able to think more positive on a psychological level. Which can be very useful, most entrepreneurs and other successful people know that this is a very important asset to have at their disposal.

Once you begin to realize what’s possible you will then begin to see how great life can really be and not feel helpless at all instead you can start feeling confident and assured, you will reach a stage where you will gain self-actualization and nothing will stop you!

If you have anything you would like to add or suggest then please feel free to leave me a comment, thank you for reading and look forward to posting again very soon! I wish you all well!

  1. I have thoroughly enjoyed reading your articles. I think they are very well written and interesting enough to hold my focus. I look forward to reading more of your writing. Where do you get your inspiration from? It is very important to have a positive outlook on life in any situation and not let negative thoughts infect our minds. When we look at things from a positive perspective, things tend to go smooth but what about the times when we feel down and worn out and the above doesn’t seem to work then what would you suggest?

    • Thank you abitofjade for your lovely words. I am glad you have enjoyed reading my articles, and I do agree with you! Having a positive outlook in life critical, we have access to it anytime we need to be positive. All we need is a simple reminder. I get inspiration from quiet a few sources, If you look at my reference links you can see where I have found most of my inspiration to write my articles. But I notice it mostly comes from conversations with colleagues at work, or with my wife.

      If you’re in a situation where you are worn down and the above doesn’t work, you need to allow yourself to rest and meditation can help re-energize your mind and your body. So that way you’re refreshed and ready to tackle that huge issue. Sometimes if you allow your mind to calm down and relax you can then think clearly and see your way through it.

      I wish you all the best abitofjade! look forward to having you back again on my blog soon.

      • Hmm, perhaps you should write a post on meditation techniques, tips ect. It would be great, seeing as some people struggle to meditate because their minds are too active. I would love to also see some tips on clearing our minds when there is just too many things going on. It’s nice to be able to clear our minds, let all thoughts fade and just let relax our whole body. One of my favorite techniques is concentrating on your breathing, at the same time slowly notice your heart beating, then being aware of your chest slowly moving up and down and the breeze you feel everytime you breathe out. It helps me clear my mind of all thoughts, it works because our brain can only focus on a certain number of things at the same time. It’s really helpful when you just can’t seem to get rid of bad thoughts.

        Do you listen to music when you write your articles? I suggest listening to Debussy with a nice cup of tea and letting your brilliant ideas flow. Anyway, I look forward to your next post.

      • Thank you for your suggestion abitofjade, I thought it would be a good idea for my next post aswell. I’m currently working on it. though it’s going to be focusing on a specific technique of meditation, It will go into some points on the emotion, physical, and spiritual benefits you will experience.

        When I write, I like to collect alot of credible information from variable sources, I also enjoy listening to cafe del mar, Mozart, Yiruma, and yes Debussy seems like a very good suggestion thank you for it. I would also suggest for you to listen in on cafe del mar, it’s very relaxing and good for clearing your mind to write well.

        Another good way is to read other people’s blogs to see what they have to say on the subject look at their sources and credit them in your blog aswell if you’re looking to spark some thoughts.

        you seem to know a little about writing and I can see you have a good taste in music, what do you find yourself passionate writing about? would be interested in seeing some of your posts.

      • I am more of a reader than a writer, but I do enjoy writing occasionally whenever any ideas spark up. I write about almost anything, nothing in particular, just whatever comes to mind. I might just write a post whenever I find some free time. I will be sure to credit you for inspiration if I do.

        Perhaps we can work together and write something, that may not be such a bad idea. Anyway, I hope you have a good time writing. Take care.

      • I’m sure you will write fantastic articles. My methods are very simple yet very effective. I aim to build security and confidence and integrity in my readers. If you find something inspiring from my articles then I suggest you act on that inspiration. Because there’s nothing more satisfying than that. If you ever need to work on something then you’re welcome to come ask me to work with you. Thank you for your suggestions and comments.

  2. Greetings from Florida! I’m bored to death at work so I decided to browse your website on my iphone during lunch break. I enjoy the knowledge you provide here and can’t wait to take a look when I get home.
    I’m amazed at how fast your blog loaded on my mobile .. I’m not even using WIFI, just 3G .
    . Anyways, wonderful site!

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